Hey thinkers,

I have officially hit the quarter-life crisis, and it isn't hitting the age of 25, but basically, it is unaware what I want to achieve or feeling doubtful about life.

Hitting the corporate ladder for about 3 years now, and consistently wondering if I'm suitable for this field. People always say at the age of 20, take the risk, have faith, venture into a life you wouldn't regret. But I couldn't be sure what type of risk I would need to take, perhaps no income?

Standing at the cross-junction, feeling no passion running in my blood. In need of people to make me feel excited about life again. Right now, my life feels stagnant, weekdays = work, weekends = sleep. Me too wanted to be young and wild before it's too late. Me too wanted to find a goal or a purpose I would like to hold dearly too.

I need to find myself back, I need to get out of this crisis. Perhaps, it's just that this year has zoomed pass too fast, faster than how I could run to the end goal.

Oh pessimistic, Oh pessimistic. Why u have to think of the world as such? 

Hi guys!

I'm like finally writing on this platform after like zillion years, and I don't want to give empty promises like "I will be updating soon", but rather, keeping the suspense.

2017 has been a rather bumpy journey for me. Dealing with more emotional stress rather than physical ones. Having quite  lots of time to myself since the start of April, and I would say that I have been thinking of different paths for myself.

Even since April, there is a huge changed in my life, I'm able to think what my life ahead will really be. What kind of career I really would like to pursue for and I'm quite lost, in the sense that there are so many doors for me to venture, which fears me at the same time.

I am someone who doesn't like uncertainty, but at the same time, my dreams for my future is ambiguous, which means a step of faith is required. I think my family taught me to be practical, but at the same time, there is a huge risk to be involved in order to be successful. Despite my hate for uncertainty, there is always have a voice in my head saying,"Will you regret not trying it when you're younger?"

If only I removed all the unnecessary negative thoughts about how I think about myself, and preserve through the path ahead, I believe eventually I would work for what I truly loved and have a passion for. But at this moment, I hope that I could be less lost and less confused. I think I just need a little more time to adapt to my current less-hectic lifestyle. As previous with work and studies, I don't have so much time to think and evaluate but right now, I do have such hours and spare.

I'm trapped in my own thoughts, and this too shall pass.

Have been staring in blank these few days, thinking about life. Like how to be a better person or great person, something sounds pretty irony that is coming out from me, but it's true. I always perceived myself as someone heartless (to be really honest), and someone who is super-rational.

Recently, a few people have mentioned that they wanna be like me, or telling me that they are pretty impressed with me since I am only 21 and started looking at the big picture. But, this left me wondering, what's so special about me, that makes them want to be like me? What character that they're impressed and like to have?

 I feel that I'm rude to a certain extent like I never know how to be more polite in those situations that I should be.  I never know how to have the motivation to begin doing things even I really have the passion. Or perhaps, my best excuse for my laziness, is that I'm rather busy, so I can just stay home and sleep. Why would anyone want to be like someone who never even figure out what makes them so cool?

Giving it some thoughts these days, observing myself more than other times, and giving a little more praises to myself on work that I feel I had done well. Then I realised all those milestones that I have built up, it might not be as good as others, but it's my own achievement. There is no need to always compare with others, as of how Asian parents would, causing us to think that we're never good enough, as we looked at how successful others are.

But having someone to look up to, it's always good, as we grow to become a better person. To be someone we longed to aim for, but we should always retain the good in us, and change those negative ones. Being so much more human these days, after my exam has over and being more in-charge of my work, and stormy days too shall pass.

Halo my dearest human beings, who enjoy reading this column as much as I do, welcome the negative or positive vibe back.

Recently, I have a lot a lot of thoughts about working in this cruel society. Everyone who cares about you will ask you to cover your own butt while doing work for others, but these people are also the one who consistently reminding how much gaps you showing to others.

Those that always say they care are always the one who shows you their expectations of you. But once you under-performance, they would nag at you what you should keep up. Words are harsher than bullets. They stabled you from inside out until the date you could not accept anymore and resignation might be the choice.

Using your personal time to do work is totally a waste of effort, don't even be stupid to do that when you're out in the corporate society. No one will appreciate, and if you didn't complete it for the team, they will just blame you even further. Everyone thought that their lives in the company are hard, everyone feels that they have overworked themselves. Everyone started caring just for themselves because they feel life is hard for themselves. Walls and walls sheltering them, from anyone who might shoot a bullet at them. But they, themselves, never notice that they also leave a hole in those walls to throw a grenade at others.

Watched "Train to Busan" and most of the adults in there, especially those are well dressed, are always self-centered. Caring no one but themselves, thinking that their destination is the most important one and finding fault in other when other's realise their weakness. It's really a quite good movie to learn from, other than the fact that those zombies just literally flooding out.

However, all in all, I would actually thanked those that care, and those who nag. They make me realise that I could touch the moon as I stretched my potential. Perhaps, I'm just a 21 years old adult who has yet to full grown to be an adult. There might be a harsher road ahead, but I could only continue to learn and improve myself. Once you become stronger, no one can even push you down.

Hey Tiff,

I have been thinking much of writing a letter to myself, after my surgery, where I feel so depressed with my mouth shut and I could not eat any solid food. But everything will be fine, everything will be so much better after the surgery.

I wanted to have the surgery since 17, but when the time is reaching, I fear for everything. There is still so many things I have yet to do, yet to explore. What if everything doesn't turn out to be what I have predicted ? But since you are reading it right now, you survived everything, and you would heal well as you are strong.

Every Friday We Look Forward To.... #ThoughtsWeekly !

A suddenly impromptu post, because when I'm walking home, I started having deep thoughts and decided to like write a post out of it.

People always say "Be yourself" but I cannot comprehend the meaning of this phase. It's like sometimes I don't even know myself well to be myself, do you get what I mean? It's like I have different types of personality, and sometimes I don't know which one is the real me, or should I say all are the real faces of me, just that the situation and people I'm with changes me?

For example, I saw a post on my IG where a person posts some event, and many people wrote, "grates !". Here I'm wanting to comment too, but hold a second thought of.. "why do I want to comment? I'm not particularly close to this person and decided not to.

So which is the real me? The one who is spontaneous about everything or the more reserved me?

As we grow older, we then to change our character, our personality, and sometimes I don't even know myself anymore. LOL. It's like I consistently want to be a better me, want to be someone who I feel their personality is really good and positive. Then there are people who will say things that, 'why you want to copy that person? why do you want to be like them? Just be yourself la' .

Here I am,not even know who am I and want to change for the better ya. Like these days I have been thinking hard should I start putting on makeup to work? Or even dress up better to work? But somehow I feel that these changes will be judged too. When you decided to dress up, people will be like ' going date uh?' but no? I just want to dress up a little. And I'm overly concern that if I consistently put makeup, what if one fine day I decided not to put, will people judge too?

YOU GET WHAT I MEAN GUYS?! Like it's hard to even please yourself sometimes?! Because somehow it's all in the mind, and my inner soul could not pass by that stage?! Currently, I feel that my chin is slightly longer and want to chop it off, I'm so honest here cause all of you are my friends so let's not judge. But you see, I told like a few friends, all say I'm crazy ! Lol, like how to be me?

When I want to be more motivated to be a blogger and post some videos, but somehow my friends like tiffany being a non-blogger instead ._. they just like all other IG posts except the one I advertise for myself... like #whattodonow...

Sometimes I do want to hear like discuss of these kind of topics rather than my big brain debating with my small brain. Do comment and let me know how to be myself ya.

Friday we look out for Tweekly ! *hands up !*


Have you always thought that your parents don't like you? Didn't spend enough time with you when you're younger, or, why they are always not around by your side?

Perhaps, children these days don't feel that as compared to children of the 90s. I still vividly remember that our parents would head out for work before we even wake up, and we would excitingly wait for them to come home when it's 9pm because they own a business and the contact time is really little.

What makes me upset was that they always lie to me, they promise to bring me to their shop but failed. I remembered calling my mum and started crying, and their then-shop number was 62829743 ! HAHAHHS That's how badly I kept calling them !

In Primary school and Secondary school, I'm not the child who consistently seeking attention from my parents, because I always felt unwanted in this family. My siblings always tell me that I'm from the rubbish bin and mean comments. So.. ya, I guess it's just me who feel that I'm an outsider in my family.

But, after my jaw surgery, I feel that my parents do care about me, and love me. The very first time my mum actually kissed me on my forehead when I'm in the hospital. Taking good care of me after I was discharged, and when I'm muted, somehow I became the princess of the family. LOL.

After watching the return of superman, where the father knows everything about the child, but the child doesn't know much about the father. It was a little sad to watch those parts because it was relatable. For parents who are born in the baby boomer or earlier, they hardly express themselves out. "I Love You" seems impossible to come out from their mouth. Even my hipper parents don't say that to me, despite me saying it often.

Our parents do love us, but we often feel the other way as they are too busy for work and we are often neglected when we are younger. However, when there is no one beside you, your parents will be the first one to help you out in all sort of things, including driving you to school when you're late for your test.

Things that they do are not huge, but those little small actions that they did are often neglected by us as well. We need to start appreciating the smaller simplest details before starting to feel that we ain't being loved as much.

Treat your parents well, as you would not know when the relationship will be gone and holding their hands or speaking to them is impossible.

Private University

Private universities are 95% similar to part-time private universities, just that instead of 3modules, they have 4modules (for RMIT) and you may snatch your timeslot to squeeze all in two days ! Usually, Private universities are still stressful, especially UOL. Please do believe me when I say that university is harder than poly, especially private uni when there are only lectures (not sure about the other school, but that's for RMIT and UOL). Paying attention to lecturers is the only way to pass. Also, don't be dishearten if you didn't make many friends because it is a lecture style, so if you are not extrovert enough, you only have a handful or less than a handful of friends. But don't worry, those projects will save you from those loneliness (unless you're in the school that has no project, then you better target people that sits alone).

Not sure what I'm feeling for this short and tiring week. I have too many pends on hand, but too tired to even do them. Having school from Monday to Wednesday is even more draining than on a weekend. But who doesn't want to have a whole day resting or rushing for works?

Now I would really need some energy from maybe the sky, the ground or anywhere to get myself working on all sorts of projects for school, and a Sunday 21st party (not even know what to expect by the way..). Also, with my admin heading off the office, and I have to handle the invoices and other kinds of stuff for March. I just can't see how bright my March will be, by the way, April would be the exam month for me and everything might just collapse before I even die.

But I really hope everything will be great, and I have the energy to pull it through despite the need of staying up late every.single.night. This must be worth it, this will be worthy.

Tata, hoping your week isn't any tiring as mine, but I will continue updating this space with my upcoming 21st blog post (please just wait till my hectic days are over).

Hi there, my inner souls!

These few days, I have been reflecting about why others could seem so successful? Then again, I looked at myself and wondering why have I started losing all my motivation and procrastinating.

Ever since my 3weeks long hospitalisation leave, I started to procrastinate more and don't even have the effort to work despite going back to work. Everything just seems to be running so fast, yet I'm not even moving an inch.

Every day I told myself that I need to get my projects, work and blog done, but towards the end of the day, nothing but watching tv or sleeping is done. I started planning my daily schedule, but I didn't even do what I have planned.

Nowadays I always tell people, it's the era to work smart and not hard. But till today, I realised that is an excuse for not even working until the last minute. Usually, I tend to give myself a ton of excuses, until the day before the deadline and always remind myself I shouldn't do that next semester but you know a leopard couldn't change its spot. But this is a habit that I always wanted to change or remove in my life.

I wanted to live a life that is too full to even have the time to repeat the same story to different people. Having the drive to challenge myself in different things and not just staying home and rot.

There is so much I wanted to do and try but procrastination always beat me hands down. So really, is working hard not useful? Because I once read this sentence "talent without hard work is nothing compare to a hard work without talent". I won't say I'm a talented in any area, which means that is worst than any other human beings in this world, because neither do I have hard work nor talents.

I think there should be a time when we enjoy ourselves in this festive season, but always consistently reminds ourselves not to procrastinate what we ought to do.

Hey peeps ! Happy New Year ! Hope everyone will be in great health and positive mindset for this new chapter of 266 pages !

Hello everyone !

Hope you guys are loving the new 95% done (or done, as its my plan to get it complete before 2016) layout ! A real promise to come back this newly renovated page *love*

For me, 2015 is really a huge roller coaster ride; from final poly exam, graduation, grad trip, first full-time job, university and first time fcuking failed an exam paper (which I need to retake). There is of course ups and down, but one thing I'm really glad is that, I didn't die in 2015.


1. God will always take care of you

I always planned everything back to back, without any thoughts if one would crash. This year, I face two major downslopes in my life; 1- I failed one module and I need to retake, 2 - I could not go for my operation as planned.

I was so dumbfounded when these two things strike and I could not even think straight, especially for my surgery as it concern a whole month. When my nurse said my surgeon would only have slots after feb, It was like an "invalid" sign, because its wasn't even in my plan. But I really thank god or my surgeon to fit my schedule into Jan and I could still go school and work in Feb'16. This is something I am really thankful. I managed to meet more friends, laughed and enjoyed this festive season before everything.

2. The pickups - Work

Well I suppose everyone puts in their 200% in their first job, trying to learn as much as they can. I am one of that human beings, who put 300% in my tightly packed job. I would say my boss is really good, we get to work from home or anywhere, just like a dream job ! But everything has a price to pay, I pay using my personal time. Initially, I would just OT unknowingly till pretty late at night, and started not to work smart.

But after 8 months, finally, this is the resting month, I learned to re-plan my schedule, with my 2016 planned for work, hopefully nothing will go wrong EVER ! In the past, careless mistake was just an "oh well, yet again", but now, I wouldn't even dare to jinx that. Because in marketing, each mistake is a huge mistake.

3. The pickups - Uni

Honestly speaking, I would not say that I'm the most brilliant or smart kid in this world, and obviously not the most hardworking ones. But, I still managed to pass everything and make a gang of friends in my whole 20 years. Well, not in university anymore. I only have like friends that I could count using one hand (okay, its just one bff T.T ) and studying became so hard when there isn't any tutorials and 3 hours lecture is killing me after the whole day of working.

Always I would be little miss last-minute to study, but no longer can I do that with full-time working. (A pointer for my new year resolution !) My high energy level was completely drained after the school and seeing me falling asleep before showering seems legit (no I did shower before I really rest in my bed).

4. Those Vacations !

I really love vacations, especially I went three locations this year; Bali, Taiwan and Thailand ! I wanted to head to Korea in Dec, but I had my surgery as planned then and it will be so fcuking expensive if I buy it last minute, on top of that, no passport. LOL

I will still post my "to-go" places in Thailand, not just Bangkok so stay tuned to those old post, as my Jan will be so free. LOL. I will be having more and more vacations in 2016 ! Some places of recommendations pleaseeee ! I'm so sure to go Korea at end of next year, and my irritating company will be having a retreat to Korea, but I'm not more than 1 year in this company (bloody hell, I still work like dog bees right?!)


5. The 21st Planning

This is something I have think for the longest time ever, but have not plan it out yet. Okay, so finally I decided to have one, with my mum as well, as she is a leap year baby. The #awkward moment when she is 12 and you are 21, but she is your mum #doesitevenmakesense?! 

Please whatsapp or comment some suggestion for location, which can stayover as well !! Not thinking of a really big big space, cause I doubt I will invite a lot of people, as my friends of circle reduce 50% after I started working. But the cute thing is that, my mum has friends as well, so ya~

6. Self-motivation 

Can you believe it when I say I could watch drama for the whole damn day, yet I could work at home continuously from 9am till 3pm, without even slacking?! But of course, I end working after that, hahahahs ! Cause lunch time will be 4pm, and I guess all those slacking would add up to 1 hour which will be 5pm.

When you know you need to clear them, you need to clear them. One incident when everything started pilling up, I cried feeling panicky for that night - FML I know the shit is real. I started to pick up podcast of listening to TED (not that teddy bear TED). TED is like a company with many different types of videos worth listening to, perhaps you want to start off with THIS ! It was really improving my mindset, with of course quote wallpapers (if you follow my snapchat, you would have seen them !).


That's all with all I could think of right now, I really thank people like you who still bother to look at this page, and I will plan up my life and this space to have more time for it ! PS/: my school is only mon-wed !! *hands-up*

I really thanked my parents for ironing my gown and coming down so last minute and almost have no seats for my sister and cousin, but still glad. They are those who gave 100%, while.. perhaps 95% of confident in whatever we do, another 5% should be that mindset of it's your life, do whatever you want dude. Hahahs. Harsh true. A lot people might be envy of this, but I can tell you that, it's comes with a lot of hesitation and uncertainty, because every steps you are responsible for it.


Next, obviously my second sister and my cousin who took half day leave to come down, when I put on a puppy eye show, hehehe. So glad for them to be there with me, seeing me grow up, being an annoying talkative ass, yet still showing me care and maybe a little love? hahahahs


The clique I grow strong for 2 years with, we have a lot of laugher, judging, quarrels/ misunderstanding moments, but friends who goes through thick and thin last longer isn't it? I'm glad that everything turned out well, and I'm sure the next colour run or the next next colour run will certainly be our dating date isn't it?


To the foremost unfatty fatty friends I'm fatty with, really thank you for entering into my life. You guys changed me a little here and there, and of course I won't forget how I got showed with naggy or care from you guys, those piggy back session and nomming session with you guys are awesome !


Last but not least, my longest best buddy in my poly life ! I know you guys must have seen here like a lot of times in my blog, but yes, she is someone who I really cherish, someone who influence each other positively. I clearly remembered, stopping my vulgarities thanks to her, because she decided to scold me "bitch" then when I often use it and didn't realise I am influencing her in a bad way. Oh Gosh, that is like a year 1 stuff but seems like yesterday ! Also, someone who managed to text me a long heart felt message when my ah ma passed away then, I cried reading the message, but becoming stronger after the whole event. Really glad for someone like you, you ain't the first friend I knew in poly, but you are one of my friends who I could proud hold hands and walk through all other milestones with.

Thank you for those who changed my life a little here and there throughout this awesome, bittersweet three years of my poly life. I remembered 99.99% of everything happened in poly ! Even till the last day of my poly, which is the graduation day, I learned something really important. It is to fuck care those who already wanted to remove you from their life, because you are so much more worth it than the other party. Even you make the first move of trying to bring the other party to your next milestone, but just fuck it, because at the end of the day, you know he/she isn't worth it at all and they don't want to. So, thank you and get lost.

With this post, I closed the chapter of my full-time studying, and heading to the next chapter of my life.

Xoxo, I don't look like I have any teeth issue in this pic right.